god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
