Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
