I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
