I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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