When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
