Swine flu. Run for my life!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I looked at my own cervix.
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I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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