..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
