Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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