i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
