i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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