i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
