Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
