WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
