I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
