at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
