At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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