He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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