i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
