Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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