Whod you bang
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
