it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
