My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
