She is in my trunk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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