I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
