oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
