Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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