Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
