I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i believe in u and ur pee
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