I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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