1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
