I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
