I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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