So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
