please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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