I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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