At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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