doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You can't just leave with hair like that
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
