My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
