it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
