my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
