It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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