It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
