I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
