if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
