Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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