No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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