i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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