If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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