Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
