Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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