last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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