yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
