Where did you get a picture of my penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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