it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
