and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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