are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
