Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
