I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
