I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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