What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
