yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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