Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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