i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
